The Vulnerable Narcissist

Depictions of individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) tend to focus on the compensatory strategies that these individuals rely on in order to cope with their feelings of emptiness, worthlessness, and powerlessness, but this inner experience is often overlooked. At the core, individuals with narcissistic traits may feel an overwhelming sense of weakness, loneliness, and apathy that they struggle to understand and communicate to others.

ABOUT NARCISSISM

According to Heinz Kohut, pathological narcissism can develop in the individual who does not receive adequate empathy from parents during childhood. A parent may be unable to provide the adequate empathy for a variety of reasons, i.e. 1) there is a basic mismatch between child and parent in regards to their unique dispositions 2) the parent is especially unfit to respond to needs and provide nurturance due to addiction or other mental health issues, or 3) the child is especially sensitive and experiences emotions intensely, resulting in greater emotional needs. A child who grows up without receiving adequate empathy can struggle to regulate his or her own self-esteem. A child who grows up without receiving adequate empathy can also struggle to self-soothe and may rely on avoidance (i.e. detaching from emotions) as a maladaptive coping mechanism. 

NARCISSISM + THERAPY

You may have been a gifted child, lauded for precocious speech, intelligence, and talents. You may have been seen as being mature for your age due to being obedient because you did not want to risk alienating the affection of your parents or teachers. You may have received conditional love based on your ability to excel and impress others. When you don't feel admired and appreciated or when you perceive that you are not the best, you may feel like you're nothing. From the outside, others may think that you're calm and collected and confident in yourself, but they cannot see that at times you feel like you are barely holding on and keeping it together. Others may also view you as being unwilling to empathize and they may struggle to understand that you feel like you must tend to yourself because no one else will. You may resist seeking help because you don't like feeling like you need something from someone, or you fear being pitied or learning that you have been wrong about something. Therapy presents an opportunity to find strength in these subjective moments of weakness and gain a sense of mastery.